Vinland Shore

Month: January, 2016

prometheus falling

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The adolescent or young adult, as I once heard a man say goes through a series of progressions in attempting to find knowledge. That is knowledge of his/her own place in the world, and what direction they might take. As a result of this the first thing often done is to grasp onto a system of ideals. Without a proper sense of identity in turn…perhaps falling into one of many cliques that they will remain in for sometime.

They will discover, perhaps a character or movement that they might believe is suitable to them. Sometimes simply to provoke, other times to gain some form of social acceptance. As that in itself is quite the commodity, and has been for some time. Social climbing, by moving from person to person to gain something. Whether it is financial, or as I mentioned the previous form social currency.

In the eyes of many they might seem a desirable person to surround one self with. Someone who is well socialized can be seen as trustworthy, while someone who excludes or remains often isolated will seem too the group to be suspicious in the least. As well others in the larger group other so called climbers will have nothing to gain from associating with such a person.

Of course there are those would never become aware of the fact that the superficial interactions they share are only that. They either vehemently deny the possibility they could be so narcissistic or ignore it. I can’t say for certain because I don’t believe I could go on acting in this manner before it became nauseating. It’s like your whole personality is a massive fraud. Not just your interactions, but you. You’ve become at this point a counterfeit person, all your interactions charming charismatic and all together seated squarely on the precipice of deceit.

The only one deceived is your own purpose. The morals and objective social goalpost relevant now are self-serving. Though people would appear benevolent towards the causes of others, and the greater good. They are only concerned truly with how they appear to their peers, and consequently their peers to them. It’s quite a contrived apex of perjury of character.

Maybe a man can step outside the infinite regression of egoism, to put aside their desire for satisfaction, and the satisfaction for desire. Of course this is nothing new to man. The constant moral upmanship will not die any time soon…

“The truest mark of having been born with great qualities is to have been born without envy”

– François de La Rochefoucauld

Through the eyes of Juvenal

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Thoughts for me are much more clear at night. I suppose at the end of the day I’ve had time to collect myself and examine the events of the day. As well it’s much quieter at night, there’s less to distract, less noise. My town is quite small, and it seems to fall asleep rather quickly. It’s the time I also write the most often…

Winter has long since set in, and the air is crisp and austere. It’s invigorating and makes me feel alive. I’ve tried at late to pay much less attention to what’s trending so to speak. What’s happening politically and socially. It quickly overwhelms me to attempt making people understand my objective position on nearly anything. I feel as though I’ve wasted my spirit and compromised my vitality on those who would be compelled to dismiss anything that doesn’t adhere.

It might sound as though an incredibly self-indulgent; per contra I feel as though I’ve been much too benevolent towards people who don’t care to improve. There have been movements or perhaps opinions that have become the good thing to do, at least the good thing to been seen saying. Emerging so quickly over the past few years it’s almost mind-bending.

Of course none of this is new to any of my readers, yet I’m exhausted from lending my ear, exhausted from letting it get under my skin. I have better things to work towards, better things to lend my presence and most of all my time too. I doesn’t mean that I don’t care about these issues ever-present, but it feels as though I’ve been wasting my time in trying to defend common logic and reason over feelings of any and all minority group that is screaming oppression.

This isn’t a resolution in the New Years sense. I believe a positive resolution to make a positive change doesn’t need to be justified by a calendar date. Nor do any political statements need to be judged by something as abstract as a date. I think this is a year to be selfish, and by that disregard the things that only bring me grief and anger. The things that make me question the pillars on what western civilization were established and the current torrent; the insufferable deluge of idiocy! full of the rhetoric that is disintegrating the very foundation of it all.

Le mal du pays, nostalgie

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In the middle of the night I awoke, and began to frantically scratch down notes about something I wanted to discuss. A dream that I had died. In my dream I was outside my self, and I was following my body throughout my daily mundane activities…

I quickly noticed banal repetition, and not fear nor anxiety did I feel of being in this state. Instead I was in despair,  I felt as though I wasn’t working hard enough. Had I actually died at this point and I really was watching my life from some point beyond how satisfied would I have been with it. It was a constant thing on the edge of my mind throughout that day. I began to think of the things I had done. I dreamt at long in nostalgia of the things I have seen, the places and the faces that I recall.

Sometimes these day dreams were beautiful, and other times painful as I recalled loss and absence of things I once held dear to me. All of these things create through fondness, and through pain the desire to do more, to see more and to live better above all else. I feel as though sometimes when I’m at a particular moment I can know that this moment in particular will be one that I will look back upon. It’s a beautiful and saddening thing because it above all crimson stark and all at once pale the brevity of life itself.

I don’t know if I am depressed, or perhaps I’m more in touch with my surroundings but I notice these things a lot. It’s as if my senses are always set to very high. I can’t help it, but it sometimes is overwhelming. I have to keep pushing myself, and reclaim the lost ground.

 

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